Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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