i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
