my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
