Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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