i already hear my dad disowning me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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