LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
