If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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