You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
