DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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