I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
