i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
