Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
