Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
