I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize