also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
