I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
