I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
