you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
