I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My vagina is officially offended.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
