My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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