He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
