I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
