im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
