told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my shit smells like andre
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
