I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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