omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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