and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
