Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
