you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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