roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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