What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
