People in love make me want to vomit
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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