Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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