I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
