Cold hands, warm shart.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
