I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize