I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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