every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
