I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
