Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
