a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i think im in europe. pls send help
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
