I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
