Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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