I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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