Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
