She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize