i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
