Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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