i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
