Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
