i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
