Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
