i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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