Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He did a backflip because drugs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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