we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
