It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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