All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
