You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
