Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize