the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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