also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
