I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
