Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
