it hurts more in the daytime
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
