btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
