there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
