my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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