if only i could text you this smell
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
