It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
