She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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