After last night, I could never be a politician.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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