Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
