I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
