The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
