and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
