Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize