i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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