Please, let me fuck your mom
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
