My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
