I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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