this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
