She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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