I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
