ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
