Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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