I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my shit smells like andre
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
