Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
