The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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