He is such a slut. More and more my type.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
