I heard we made out
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
