In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
