East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
