I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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