you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
