I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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