I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
