I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
