yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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