My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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