he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
