69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
false alarm. still invincible.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
