So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can I color on your dick again?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
