If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Congratulations! We have a period
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
