You work out of a Hotel?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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