I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
