If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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