my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
