did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
