I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
