She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
