I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize